seen

2022

Good Time

Post-Twilight Pattinson is such a bizarre and great actor. Every shot was so chaotic and the score ruled. Sadfies great at making stories about bad people.

Triangle of Sadness

Incredible. One of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a while. So many scenes and shots are going to stay with me.

Deadwax

Damn I want a record player now.

The Invitation

Not going to parties is the best choice, especially in LA. Kusama’s best.

The Strangers

Way too much screaming and I had to keep cranking down the volume because I live in an apartment.

Bros

No man with as much hair as Luke would wear a hat that much. Park fight had me cracking up. Every party has a Steve. Silly, cute, and heartwarming.

Inspector Ike

A little on the nose, but a neat little send-up/tribute to Columbo and the ilk.

Halloween Ends

Never my favorite horror series, but this was an ok ending, I guess.

Silent Hill

The child in this is upsettingly ADR’d. Also glad to know my ACAB feelings mean I don’t find the cop hot.

The Wailing

There’s probably a political message here, but also it’s a spooky time.

Dear Zachary

Fuck. It feels weird to “rate” this movie since it’s clearly very important, but also very unpleasant to watch.

10 Cloverfield Lane

Way less traumatic on rewatch than the first viewing. Other than the “locked in a house with a big guy” vibe this was a fun, weird film.

Villains

Real Skarsgård and Monroe month over here. Not too many surprises but entertaining.

We Need to Talk About Kevin

Reasons to never breed: 1-1000. Ezra Miller so good at playing a creepy nightmare person they continued in real life. Legitimately hard to watch,, but the emotional warfare it plays on the viewer is impressive.

The Night Eats the World

This likely feels different to watch than it would mid-quarantine, but it still feels a bit too real. Lie and Lavant are excellent throughout, with the latter playing a truly odd role well.

Revenge

Well-shot, but I don’t think the ‘woman gets revenge for sexual violence” genre is my thing. Like, hey, love the revenge, but the film is much more concerned with the men than I care for. Nothing in this feels new or important in any way, and it’s got the same gore-factor as an Evil Dead.

Wildlife

Oof. A pretty brutal look at having to parent your parents.

Barbarian

Went in knowing nothing but the cast and came out a bit freaked out and very impressed.

Personal Shopper

One of the saddest things was watching Kristen Stewart have to drink French coffee. A scene in this film is maybe the only time I’ve seen a cis woman portrayed like a trans woman wrt fetishization of dresses. No clue what to expect going in, but this was a great and unlikely pair for my other film of the evening.

The Uninvited

I hate an awkward lamb. I can see how this set the stage for quite a few haunted house movies but the pacing of 40s films still makes me yawn.

Decision to Leave

I’ll have to rewatch this to make sure I’m not judging the cinematography by a lot of the terrible films I’ve seen this year, but wow. A truly excellent movie about the weird ways feeling and truth intersect.

Significant Other

This is a good year for Maika Monroe’s spooky films. Gorgeously shot, with some fun scares and nice concept.

Hellraiser

A gross, weird fun time. I’ve only seen the original but I always dig bizarre portrayals of demons.

Cronos

Why, upon finding a very ugly busted statue, would you keep it? An interesting, slightly spooky debut.

Jason Bourne

A waste of Vikander and Cassel, but better than the Renner one at least.

Rec

Continuing my spooky month with a rewatch of a classic found footage film. I love how quickly this amps up.

The Man from U.N.C.L.E

nothing to write home about, but a fun, serviceable, action film.

The Descent

Every time I see this movie the scariest thing is the actual spelunking. Caves? No thanks.

Irma Vep

Avoided this for a while because I assumed it would be super boring, but instead it’s a fascinating look at a film industry as an absolute mess of characters and mistakes. Cheung is great.

Vesper

I’ll have to rewatch this and let it sink in a bit. Cool world and somewhat Cronenburgian special effects. I want to see these directors do the second and third parts of the Area X trilogy.

Baby Assassins

Solid fight choreography, a silly plot, and a lot of weird humor. Overall it was fun!

Inside Llewyn Davis

Imagine if folk music had been big in the 90s instead of boy bands, and Timberlake was just a singer-songwriter. Also I hope Goodman got an Oscar for his whole thing, but especially his hair.

Hunger

Brutal. Incredible performances. Close all prisons.

Loneliest Planet

Much much slower and less satisfying Force Majeure.

Avatar

I forgot how long this movie was. It’s still a strange 3D fern gully and I can’t believe it’s getting sequels, but I guess I’ll see them so maybe it all makes sense.

Watcher

Top tip: don’t gaslight your girlfriend. The dark side of Lost in Translation.

Ghost World

This captures the teen angst and too cool vibes of the late 1990s pretty well. Buscemi is great and creepy.

Lou

Pretty fun if straightforward. West Wing John Wick. The third act dragged a bit.

Icarus

An incredible documentary on the decades-long doping program in Russia and the scientist who blew the whistle on it. With PEDs still casting a shadow over my favorite sport this was fascinating and sad.

Freaks

A surprisingly interesting sci-fi jam.

Anima

Thom Yorke doing a Mr. Bean meets Brazil.

The Toll

A funny low-end gangster and cop film set in a tiny bit of Wales. I think I looked this up because of the main actress for Feast, and she was solid in The Toll too.

Panic Room

Baby Kristen Stewart! Maybe one of the only movies with mother and daughter both played by lesbians? The first time I saw this was a very shitty SD copy on an old non-LCD monitor and I couldn’t really see what was happening. This time was better.

誰がために

A sad story on how to grieve and not moving on.

Role Models

Wild how a movie with at least one actor who sexually assaulted women has a different character who aged even more poorly. Bits of this were pretty funny but it’s pretty fucked these guys didn’t think “hey what if we worked with more women”?

The American

We’re either too loud or we’re international assassins on the run…

Captain Philips

Great time with Hanks but also even as a “based on a true story” this is hilariously bad economics… how many millions of dollars does it cost to float around in fancy boats doing night ops?

Goodnight, Mommy

Haunting and fascinating.

Confess, Fletch

As a kid I really loved the Chevy Chase Fletch movies but don’t know if they would hold up, but this ruled. Hamm found a perfect role.

The Invitation

I don’t even have misophonia and the nail bits were horrible. I was just complaining about the fanfic-ification of entertainment recently and this is a prime example of the goofy weird romance stuff that leads to. The twist is pretty obviously telegraphed and not much of a payoff, but I kept hoping it’d be a Cthulhu thing maybe? I hope Emmanuel gets better roles next.

Emily the Criminal

Didn’t know what to expect but I had a great time.

Breaking

Depressing! An empathetic tale of how poorly the US treats its citizens.

Full Metal Jacket

Haunting and still amazing.

The Spy Who Loved Me

Do you think the goons in red have a less obvious costume for when they’re not in the sea base? After rewatching Casino Royale I remembered that Bond can be awesome, but this is merely better than the other Moore films.

Thor: Love & Thunder

G&R songs are better when they’re covered. This was fun enough with some neat fights but I wanted more god butchering.

Fall

Lee Pace would’ve been good in this one too. I love a weird outdoor accidents film, especially when it has two rad women as the protagonists. I really hate heights.

Videodrome

I forgot how most of the plot of this movie is Woods’ obsession with finding good porn. Long live the new flesh.

Man with a Golden Gun

For such a classic Bond film, it’s embarrassingly goofy and holds up poorly.

Bullet Train

Imagine if Patriot and Survive Style 5+ was a bit more broad but ideal for a few beers and a cartoon antic time.

Chariot

This was weird but not good and Malkovich had red hair.

Clear and Present Danger

This was a regular rewatch growing up, and it’s still a banger. The weird duel to delete files was especially delightful.

Bit

There’s no way LA is flakier than Portland, but there are definitely vampires in both cities. This was fun and silly. Still waiting for a nice cis lady vampire to turn me into a girl who can fly, but not if it means ever living in LA or being stuck with an underdeveloped frontal lobe. Eternal 18 sounds awful.

The Gray Man

You get to watch Ken and Captain America fight.

I’m Your Woman

A lot less crime and a lot more drama than I expected. I think I was hoping for a baby thriller.

On the Count of Three

Way funnier than I expected. Damn this was dark.

Jurassic Park: Dominion

I think this series is finally over. When dinosaurs are used for tension and horror they work, but as weird James Bond parkour villains and eco-terrorism maguffins they are just goofy. Major points off for the stupid tube too.

Bob’s Burgers

All I expected was a stretched-out episode and this was much more fun. I don’t know how long they can keep this show going but it’s up there with the best animated franchises. Simpsons could never.

Sonic 2

Either it was Jim Carey or the writing, but this was way less fun than the first one. Bits were solid, but the whole was just so long and overdone. Chili dog on a chili dog.

The Ward

Watched for Blank Check. I don’t like mental hospital films.

Nude Tuesday

The Julia Davis version was great, but I’d love to see the other to compare. This is the best art to include a nonsense language since Sigur Ros’ album ( ). Weird as fuck, but ultimately a touching story about rediscovering a partner.

Drag Me to Hell

Sam Raimi makes a hell of a movie. Watched this for the Blank Check series, and it was all the over-the-top gore I hoped for, with lots of weird gags.

In the Mouth of Madness

Sam Neil makes an Evil-Dead-esque weirdo horror worth rewatching.

Rubikon

A disappointing space morality tale.

Christine

“God I hate rock and roll”. For a goofy movie about a killer car, this was a lot more interesting than I expected. Also I love that all the high-schoolers looked 35.

Enemy of the State

Not the best Tony Scott, but pretty fun. Will Smith in the utterly bizarre lingerie store made me laugh.

Joshy

It’s weird seeing Alex Ross Perry in a film after hearing him in so many Blank Check episodes. This is the best movie about a bachelor party I’ve ever seen.

Men

Hot damn! I was excited about this as soon as I saw the preview and it met my expectations. Kinnear and Buckley are excellent and the mounting oddity built to truly bizarre heights.

The Unknown Girl

I’ll be honest I kinda spaced-out during this film.

Faults

ME Winstead is a delight and this went to places I didn’t expect.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

A fun Marvel film with a lot of long side stories. I’m glad Spiderman wasn’t in this.

Her Smell

A super chill and easy to watch movie if you’ve been around a lot of alcohol and drug abuse. Yikes. I think this was well done but I kinda had to watch it the way lots of people watch horror films.

Sicario

A rewatch.

Crimes of the Future

A lot less disturbing than I’d initially imagined. A fun look at what human evolution might do to solve the horrific exploitation and pollution of the planet.

Kimi

Chekhov’s kombucha. The Net for a new generation.

Macross Plus

A Top Gun x Macross classic. Don’t trust AI.

Hologram for the King

I’m not geopolitically intelligent enough to comment on the world of this film, but it’s nice to see Tom Hanks just kind of wander around and do stuff.

Speak No Evil

What starts as a mortifying difference in cultures becomes much more disturbing. Sure, pannekoeken is great, but is it worth the risk?

Morbius

At least it’s short.

Michael Clayton

Blackberrys galore. Apparently I saw this in theaters because I remembered a good amount.

Top Gun: Maverick

This is everything I wanted it to be and more.

Limitless

For sure I’ve seen this before but this movie feels like what every guy from Stanford and young founder dude thinks he sounds like.

Jackass 4.5

Poor Darkshark. More of the delights and bruises from the gang.

Desperate Hour

Don’t go into the woods/filming during covid. I dig Naomi Watts but this was… a little too solo.

Chip’N’Dale

This found the right side of the nostalgia line to be charming and funny.

Everything Everywhere All at Once

This hit a lot of family buttons and was also super fun.

Dual

I don’t quite understand Stearns’ style, but the concept was fun. With so many Finnish actors it was odd to have Gillian try an American accent.

Blood Quantum

A pretty cool take on the zombie story. Parts of this were definitely lower-budget but they did a lot with it.

Deep Water

Incredible divorce energy. Waiting for my retired friends to buy a weird mansion with a pool and start murdering their partner’s lovers. The snails were the stars. I hate that he keeps calling his gravel bike a mountain bike and that whoever did continuity let drops turn into flat bars.

The Innocents

TW they murder a fucking cat in this film which pretty much ruined it for me. The theme of “how do children learn morality” was ok, but wow this was a brutal film.

Operation Mincemeat

An interesting war spy thriller with a lot of nods towards the ways it influenced various spy novelists.

The Northman

From husband and wife to son and mother—I wondered what kind of chemistry Skarsgard and Kidman would have in a Viking epic, and the vibe is weird. The VVitch remains my favorite Eggers film, but this clicked with me much more than the Lighthouse. “Their god is a corpse nailed to a tree.”

The Lost CIty

A goofy blast.

Mirai

Super cute but also definitely “please have children” propaganda.

A Futile and Stupid Gesture

Oh that’s the story of how National Lampoon happened. Kinda fun.

You Won’t Be Alone

The VVitch it isn’t, but it is a great exploration of what it means to be human. Reminiscent of the anime To Your Eternity.

Hunt for the Wildebeest

This movie rules. So heartwarming and wonderful.

Wind River

Hawkeye wears a cowboy hat, and the Scarlet Witch does a crime detective. Ultimately an interesting film, but with a slow start.

Ambulance

A fun mess that reminds me of a lot of other heist movies. Gylenhal is really hamming it up throughout. Tonally a lot of the jokes land super awkwardly, but the copious explosions and shots kept things moving.

Uncharted

This had its moments but was mostly just a goofy action film. I never finished the one Uncharted game I played, so maybe I missed out on what was really cool about these.

Harmony

I barely understood this movie. I threw it on because for whatever reason I expected it to mostly be an action film but it had a much more intense consideration of the human condition than I was prepared for on this day.

Toni Erdmann

A slow build but it hits and hits big. This made me miss my dang dad.

Swallow

Pica pica… chew?

The Batman

Dang! I figured Nolan had made the definitive Batman movies but this is such an interesting and different take. I love the Zodiac Killer meets Batman vibe, and all the low-key DIY costumes and vehicles. I want to see this universe’s version of Poison Ivy.

The Humans

Old apartments are so unsettling and strange that I kept expecting this to build into a horror film. The actual horrors of family holidays are the only ghoul in this movie though.

X

The pacing was a bit slower than I expected and the antagonists never clicked.

Infinite Storm

Sparse and a bit grim, but I enjoyed the adventure.

The Perfection

Allison Williams has perfected the dangerously awful white last character. A twisted thriller that went places I didn’t expect.

Cold Fish

I forgot this was loosely based on actual murders. There are bits of this that are absolutely wild and hilarious and parts that are awful to watch due to their content. Sono is a weirdo.

Infinite

For all the action and plot explanation, this was a bit of a weird mess. Glad to see Mantzoukas in a fun role at least.

355

Lady spies are cool. This never quite lived up to the potential of all the amazing actresses, but it was fun enough. Diane Kruger should be in more films, I think.

Hateful 8

Other than the first chunk of the movie aiming to hit a slur quota it was well-shot and full of excellently weird performances. I could feel the cold and taste the bad coffee.

Becky

A wild addition to the Paul Blart universe. At some point after Mall Cop 2, he became a Neo-nazi and spent time in jail. When he gets out, he messes with the wrong twisted teen. A gruesome Home Alone-alike.

Soul

A movie about a jazz pianist ended-up as a lot more. Really cute, well-animated, and soul-stirring.

The Third Murder

Making my way through the back catalog of Koreeda films and this stands out as a really fascinating murder investigation drama. It’s a little slow in places, but the framing of the shots and the exploration of the complexities of feeling, memory, and story are excellent.

Apollo 11

Wow. This was a breathtaking documentary reconstruction of film and still photos. It’s amazing to see all the incredible space stuff against the backdrop of a time I’m only familiar with from old family photos. Short-sleeved dress shirts and chain smoking? Hell yea.

Beyond the Infinite Two Minutes

The camera work is outstanding. This one one of the more clever and fun time concepts I’ve seen on film. The acting is a bit more improv show than drama, but it comes together and continues to be fun.

Moonfall

“Mounting moon terror” is a phrase uttered in this film, and I couldn’t be happier. A ridiculous moon disaster movie is exactly what I wanted tonight. The screw-up kid was a hat on a hat though, and ditto all the Elon shit.

After the Wedding

Another story of flawed men and regret, but with excellent performances, music cues, and a fantastic pace.

Perfect Blue

I’ve watched this a few times and it’s still a fascinating look at obsession and an entertainment career. I wish Kon was alive and making more movies.

Death on the Nile

The biggest shock of this film was that Brand could act! I saw this film’s predecessor in Osaka a few years ago and have a fondness for Branaugh and Christie. The costuming was nice, and the mystery taut. This movie makes me with I could travel again!

Drive My Car

This movie will stick with me for a while. I haven’t read the story its based-on, so I went into it with only a one Hamaguchi and an idea of Murakami’s style in mind. The use of silence and a spare soundtrack really lent itself to the long road shots and close-ups of faces. An amazing film.

The Adam Project

A thoroughly fun action film. This was well-paced, high-enough budget, and chill.

What Keeps You Alive

This is why I’ve always preferred a clean break and never trust a girl with a Jeep. A fun if a little long-winded thriller.

Miami Connection

A classic with first-timer Drew.

After Yang

Woah, a Lily Chou-chou song! This movie was a fascinating look at a struggling family. It was a less aggressively uneasy Black Mirror episode; thoughtful mediation on life.

Fresh

Initially I thought the guy in this was Henry Cavill, which would’ve been a little too on the nose. Also I will never believe that anyone sleeps in a bra despite at least two former dates doing so. Lesbian best friend is the new gay best friend? I guess this movie is saying that heterosexuality is basically the same as being kidnapped and slowly killed by a man… which, huh. Ok.

Spiderman: No Way Home

More fun than I expected but I still hear “Spider-Man” in the voice of the grown man crying next to me in the theater during the Avengers movie.

Hausu

A weird and silly mess.

Wheel of Fortune and Fantasy

Regret is a helluva thing. Fantastic.

A Most Wanted Man

RIP PSH. A solid thriller that never rises to the heights of other Le Carre but was a nice ride.

Death of Me

Top tip: don’t drink necromantic shots. This was spooky and utterly silly.

Gaia

This would pair nicely with Annihilation in a double-feature about our inability to make peace with the planet and cool mycology. Spooky and cool.

Licorice Pizza

“Fuck off, teenagers.” There’s such a charm and delight to this film that in some ways mirrors the best parts of The Royal Tenenbaums. While Wes Anderson has fully lost himself in the twee, PT Anderson keeps making uniquely fun movies. I wish we’d gotten Melora Walters or Amy Adams as Streisand though. I have never listened to Him.

Scream

Can you make a referential movie so referential it transcends itself? Not this time.

Domino

Not DePalma’s best. A mediocre political thriller with the music of a way weirder film.

Fear Street: Part 3

This was a satisfying conclusion and another fun queer horror slasher.

Fear Street: Part 2

A great take on the 70s slasher.

Jackass: Forever

This is basically the X-Men academy now and they’ve got their New Mutants. Truly hilarious.

Fear Street: Part 1

A fun slasher that was much bloodier and wilder than I expected from something related to R.L. Stine. I think I’ll watch the trilogy.

The Daytrippers

A great 90s road trip movie about the failing relationships and weird families.

Shimmer Lake

I wasn’t sold on this initially but as it went on I was pretty pleased with the resolution.

Don’t Breathe

A little reminiscent of Green Room in bits. I didn’t know who to root for in the beginning but the nightmarish sexual assault and forced pregnancy stuff made it clear who not to root for.

Crash

A freaky, horny masterpiece. I’m worried everyone only has one set of underwear though.

Outbreak

It’s depressing how much more chill this was than the past two years.

The Parallax View

A neat, twisty thriller about a shadowy corporation involved in political assassination. Warren Beatty’s hair is excellent, and the score keeps this feeling tense throughout.

21 Bridges

Somewhere between copaganda and a pretty exciting action film.

Before Sunrise

Elements of this were romantic and exciting but I can’t get over how much of a nightmare it would be for a man to talk to me on a train.

Border

This went to places I absolutely did not expect. It was very well shot, and rather fascinating.

Memories of a Murder

I saw this a long time ago, and it holds up. A strange, twisty police procedural with a great 80s style.

Izzy Gets the Fuck Across Town

First thought: oh wow I have that bra. Second thought: this was a bit of a mess but also a nice little story about holding on to dead dreams. Sarah Goldberg should be in more stuff.

Punch-Drunk Love

This was far more charming when I saw it in theaters as a 17 year-old. While well-shot and strange, the completely bizarre actions of both Sandler and his sisters really made it hard to follow. Luis Guzman and Philip Seymour Hoffman were great as usual.

The Most Dangerous Game

“My life has been one glorious hunt.” I’ve referenced this film for years but hadn’t seen it. A bizarre and fun movie about hunting people. After the Chaplin, I was worried this wasn’t a “talkie” but the sound was solid.

Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence

I’ve heard Ryuchi Sakamoto’s soundtrack for this movie many times, but it didn’t prepare me for the film itself. Takeshi Kitano! David Bowie!

Dune (1984)

This movie is so nostalgic for me, as I grew up watching it regularly. It holds up well, but I vastly prefer Momoa’s Duncan to whoever played Duncan in this. Seeing another director’s take on the same source material I appreciate a show-not-tell approach to Lynch’s though there’s no way a huge atmospheric Dune adaptation could’ve been greenlit in 1984. To his credit though, Lynch somewhat managed to encapsulate a whole damn book in one movie. The weird Alia baby still owns bones.

Police Story

Jackie Chan is a terrible boyfriend but an incredible physical actor. It’s been a decade or more since I’ve seen a good HK martial arts film, and this delivered. Comedy, practical effects, and an ton of very wrecked cars and sets.

The Kid

Trash babies are Charlie work. This made want to have a little urchin, simply for the scene where he does his nails and then stretches in his absurd overalls. Also I’m pretty sure I’ve seen someone in Chaplin’s outfit in Harajuku. The OG short king.

Worst Person in the World

From the music to the pacing, I really dug this. The choices were incredibly true to life and brutal. Probably don’t date someone 14 years younger than you.

Holiday

A strange gangster film about abusive relationships and karaoke.

In the Cut

Meg Ryan wearing a beige slip is a bad look and I worry that Mark Ruffalo’s character has a lot of childhood sexual trauma. This was a strange send-up of the erotic thriller. “I’m starting to feel like a chick here.”

Air Doll

Koreeda plus World’s End Girlfriend?! This is a strange film, and a delight. I love a scene of a man forlornly washing out a rubber vagina tube. In a way, this is the weirdest Toy Story movie.

Halloween Kills

This reboot sequel is silly but fun enough to make for a good time.

Monster’s Club

Too cerebral for a Wednesday.

The Eternals

Fun enough. There was a lot of backstory and buildup but it never went anywhere too wild. The source material isn’t my favorite either.

Dredd

What if the Raid was way sparklier and shootier? This was a lot better than I expected, but was still pretty goofy.

Event Horizon

Where we’re going we don’t need eyes

There Will Be Blood

A comforting rewatch of a disturbing film.

Benedetta

Come for the pageantry, stay for the sapphism.

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