seen

2021

Halloween

A rewatch of a classic.

The Fog

Sometimes slow older movies just don’t hit.

Basic Instinct

Verhoeven’s idea of butch is pretty in line with my preferred presentation. We all need a friend who says “goddamn you dumb sonnafabitch you fucked her”.

Tropic Thunder

It’s wild this got made.

The House That Jack Built

It’s still really confusing that some of y’all think Matt Dillon is hot.

Demonic

Meh.

Pig

Completely unexpected, and excellent.

Assault on Precinct 13 (2005)

A pretty good remake that concerned itself with being a fun movie over being true to the source material. Hawke and Fishburne delivered a solid action performance.

Total Recall (2012)

Way less memorable and funny than the original. This was a serviceable action film that reminded me of when Hollywood really wanted Colin Firth to be the new Tom Cruise.

Total Recall

Verhoeven is a master of cinema and this is up there with his best. Every Arnold scene is using him to his best, and between the makeup and plain silly puppets, it’s a blast.

Assault on Precinct 13

Watched so I could listen to more Blank Check. The premise is super absurd but the action was fun, and there were some very entertaining bits and camera shots.

Titanic

When this came out I remember taking a date to see The Wedding Singer instead and I don’t regret that choice. It was a neat disaster film once it got to that point, and Kathy Bates did a great job, but the romance bit didn’t do much for me. I mean, we’ve all made stupid choices in love, but don’t dive off a lifeboat for a boy you just met!

What Lies Beneath

A little spooky, but mostly rad because Harrison Ford is playing against expectations.

Castaway

So brutal and good. This is just hit after hit and makes you sad about a volleyball.

A Quiet Place Part 2

Spooky and a lot less “why?!” than the first film. I prefer Cillian Murphy to Krasinski.

Beckett

A competent but ultimately substanceless thriller. It was fun to watch JDW just run around and do wild shit.

The Abyss

James Cameron invented SMS. A real spooky, tense, wet time.

Evangelion 2.0 - 3.0 + 1.0

Much more compelling than the original series, with a solid ending.

Riddick

He almost lost his house over this.

A Cure for Wellness

Spooky fun, if a little too long.

The Hunt

Oof.

The Retreat

Revenge horror where a lesbian couple has to survive trip to the country. I recommend this to anyone who wonders why I don’t take more road trips.

Mad Max: Fury Road

Rewatched and if’s still delightful.

Strange Days

This is cyberpunk gold. I can’t believe it didn’t do well, that it used mini discs as a major plot point, or that it’s not available basically anywhere.

Showgirls

Transcendent. This was my first time seeing it after avoiding it because I’d made the mistake of thinking it was just schlock. I was wrong. There’s so much weird depth and fantastic camera work in this.

The Suicide Squad

Perfectly silly and fun. No pretension of being more clever than it needed to be. This is what super hero movies should be.

Starship Troopers

Such a brilliant satire of our country’s endless thirst for war. Verhoeven is a master.

Chronicles of Riddick

Just as over the top as I remembered, but I always forget Helen Mirren was in it. This is the start of their love affair. (Drew later told me this was actually Dench)

The Town

Saw this heist thriller when it first came out, and it held up.

Martyrs

Yow. That was a bizarre and brutal film.

Scanners

Somehow I hadn’t ever seen this absolute banger of a movie about telepathy and telekinesis. It’s delightfully Canadian and I’m sure inspired many an anime.

After Midnight

A way more interesting and charming film than I expected. A monster film cover for a movie about relationships and growing together.

Jolt

A goofy, but fun-enough action film.

The Master

Why did we need the Joker when we already had this? A true weird PTA classic.

Drug War

A brutal, non-stop cop procedural. Guns akimbo? Yup. Betrayal and tons of Buicks? You bet.

High Tension

I forgot how fucked-up this is, and that they used Muse songs for the soundtrack.

Blackhat

This is my second viewing with my first on opening night. They should’ve called this movie “Himbo Hacker”. This is the only movie I can think of with a dramatic scene where someone types ‘ls’ and also ‘cat’ in a terminal. As hokey as the whole thing is, the action slaps, and it’s a fun action romp.

Midnight Special

What a cool movie! What’s left unshown and unsaid kept this taunt and fun. Shannon spoke volumes with his eyes, and even the kid managed gravitas without falling into the haley joel trap. I don’t remember hearing about this movie at the time, but I think it deserves more hype.

Gunpowder Milkshake

On it’s face, this was made for me, but sadly it was a substanceless and somehow joyless exercise.

Censor

I had very little idea what was going on towards the end of this. Generally, I dug the vibe though.

No Sudden Move

A really outstanding cast made this a delight from start to finish. Full of fun twists and a brisk-moving story.

Synchronic

A cool time travel film about using drugs to wander around in the past and how that’s not a great plan because of racism. Very interesting and though it’s not quite the same wild as Primer or Los Cronoscriminos, it’s up there.

Insidious

A spooky, but not very good horror film.

The Tomorrow War

I like the version of the world where enough people watch soccer worldwide that folks use the World Cup to announce vital information. I don’t like a world where a few heroes save the world after the governing bodies don’t help. Climate change is a collective problem and needs collective solutions. Also this is a fun movie so whatever.

Fast 7

A big ‘ol sob of an ending and a really fun movie.

Werewolves Within

A pretty perfect horror comedy. Sam Richardson is seriously talented, and if you haven’t seen Detroiters, get on that. The beats were great, everyone was doing a lot, and I laughed throughout.

Come to Daddy

Elijah Wood seems to only take fun projects in a post-LOTR world, and I love it. His 2017 film I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Again, Wilfred, voice-acting in Miyazaki films, and now this short bowl cut and hooded-cape weirdo film are such a nice career pivot.

Demon Slayer: Mugen Train

More like a few episodes than a cohesive film, this got me stoked for season 2.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

I’ve seen this one the most besides the first because I got to see it in Japan before it came out in the states. That was a strange experience so it’ll always stick with me.

Resident Evil 2-5

Hokey but fun.

Resident Evil

Classic.

Red Dawn

The original was a classic schlocky action film, and this one was an alright action remake. I don’t know if Chris Pine can live up to Kurt Russell generally, but if you want to see him try, this is a film for it.

Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

I’m a sucker for this very silly series. I love how much they malign and hate on the spectre of “satanists”. Walter Bishop from Fringr is in this and that was a nice surprise.

Saw 3

The first three films in this series are in the perfect uncanny valley of bad fashion. I should listen to the Why Are Dads episode now that I’ve made it through because John is an absolutely insufferable dad.

Saw 2

I forgot the kid from Continuum was in this. Overall, this sequel was a lot schlockier now that we know what the whole Saw deal is like. The nü-metal at the end dates this more than anything else could.

Saw 2

I think I watched this shortly after it came out, but it’s still wild to see Ben from Lost, Danny Glover, and the man in the mask from Princess Bride. This is a classic absurd horror thriller, and this rewatch begins my staycation of Saw.

Chappie

Despite being very silly at times, this was a fun movie that explored consciousness and the ideas of a learning AI. I think folks were disappointed because it wasn’t serious at all times, but this played out like a cool sci-fi short story.

Together, Together

Hilarious and deeply touching. I love this look at an unlikely friendship and the complexity of pregnancy. Plus, Patti Harrison fucking owns.

Free Fire

Just a wild ride from start to finish. Watching everything go to shit, then get worse was a delight.

Chaos Walking

This felt like the first few episodes of a longer show, and not really a whole films. I enjoy Mads just doing weird shit though. When I first saw stills for this I thought it was that Hideo Kojima game.

Riders of Justice

A fantastic black comedy one part John wick, and one part Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. A truly weird and fun film. More Mads please.

Army of the Dead

I’m not a Snyder fan, but he’s made two good zombie films and this is one of them. Silly, fun, and full of excitement.

Pacific Rim: Uprising Fun and silly, like what a Transformers move could’ve been if they weren’t such hot trash.

Dead Man Down

Meh

Set It Off

Queen Latifah should’ve gotten a massage and romance scene. This is a classic heist movie, and after hearing EPM talk about it I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it before.

Oxygen

A movie set in tight quarters reminiscent of when Green Lantern got buried in that one movie with just a lighter.

Green Zone

I still find it abhorrent we destroyed a country for no real reason. Matt Damon plays a hapless but passionate action man well.

Patriot Games

Ah, the good old days of bad guy Sean Bean. This continues my tour of Harrison Ford classics, and I’d forgotten all the talent in this film. A good spy thriller and Ford makes a much better Ryan than Jim from the office.

Without Remorse

I’ve been on a Harrison Ford kick lately and looking forward to reexploring his foray into the dad fiction of Tom Clancy, so it’s lovely seeing Michael B. Jordan so thoroughly take on the mantle of spyman John Clark. Action trash delight.

Relic

A real House of Leaves-esque situation. Is this perhaps a prequel to Under the Skin?

Really though this was a deeply scary, haunting film about aging and our responsibility to our loved ones.

In the Earth

A wild film that somehow manages to combine pandemic fear with supernatural mushroom horror. Excellent. Two fun tastes that taste great together.

Searching

An interesting way to tell a story but I think the reliance on computer footage hindered the overall story, despite strong performances by Cho.

Training Day

A classic Denzel/Fuqua film that starts wild and gets so much wilder. The way Denzel delivers every line and just delivers looks is a delight every time. Ethan Hawke is fine in this but I don’t think he has the charisma to counter Denzel. Fun and disturbing, this is like a short-form The Wire, but in LA.

Unstoppable

Denzel Washington is too old for this shit, but not too old to stop a runaway train. This movie rules.

Sexy Beast

Realized halfway through this is a rewatch, but Winstone and Kingsley are wildly compelling regardless.

I Care a Lot I love an anti-hero, and pretty much every person in this film is either horrible or an idiot, or all of the above. I also love a lesbian lead. This managed to be twisted and funny, and I really dug it.

Transsiberian

Look I love a train mystery. I remembered halfway through this I’ve seen it before.

The Mosquito Coast

What if dads but too much? This movie reminded me of some of the worst bits of my childhood. At least my dad never made us move to the jungle. They’re remaking this soon with Justin Theroux and I’m super excited to see how he channels the deranged dad energy. ICE IS CIVILIZATION.

Courier

Wow who knew the real story behind the font was this intense!

Nobody

A blast from start to finish. This is the best action comedy since True Lies.

Gone Girl

Imagine if Tyler Perry had played Madea in this movie but with the same character and level of seriousness. I think at a fundamental level a movie that imagines “what if a woman fakes domestic abuse” is dangerous, but otherwise as a film this was solid. Rosamund Pike was great as a nightmarish villain though.

Sorcerer

You’ve seen the Fast & Furious, but what about the Slow & Simmering? For a movie largely about trucks driving below 10mph, this was a thrill ride. I should rewatch Seaquest.

Under the Skin

Haven’t seen this since it came out, but the moody slow build and austere soundtrack are haunting.

Bad Trip

Planes, Trains, and incredibly wild scenes. The restaurant scene was a standout, but so many bits of this movie were amazing.

Godzilla vs. Kong Explosions, huge monster fights, and a surprisingly great cast having a good time. Ideal summer entertainment. I guess I’ve seen every film in the “monsterverse” now, and this was maybe the most fun? Long live Godzilla, the KoM.

Wet Hot American Summer

A delightful rewatch. I forgot how many amazing actors were in this at the start of their career, with absurdist performances from Michael Ian Black, Bradley Cooper, and David Hyde Pierce. All the little bits, and the kids’ reactions to them are hilarious. A classic. smashing pottery sounds

Safe House

Old spy/young spy. Not quite a Bourne or a Le Carré, but it was a fun thriller even though I can’t quite take Ryan Reynolds seriously.

Dante’s Peak

This is a more focused predecessor to one of my all-time favorite movies, 2012. James Bond does a science, while Sarah Conner slings espresso and does mayor stuff. This move made me afraid of volcanos and hot springs and also children driving. If there’s a genre called “my boss didn’t beleive me until it was too late” this is firmly part of it.

The Last Black Man in San Francisco

The colors and light in this film are unbeleivable. Utterly gorgeous. Jimmie Fails and Jonathan Major had incredible screen chemistry, with their performances tied together with long pans. I can’t wait to see more Jimmie Falls in films.

Oblivion

Somehow I hadn’t seen this until tonight. A delightful Tom Cruise sci-fi with a pretty predicitable twist, and really goofy goggles. A+

Sentinelle

A nice and tight action film. The fights were well-coreographed, and there just wasn’t much fat to trim. Fast, fun, and chill.

Shadow in the Cloud

A hat on a gremlin on a hat. This movie was initially kind of interesting, and seemed like it would be a straight-up tale of misogyny in the sky, but then the gremlin showed-up, and the zeros, and it just kept going.

The Fugitive

I hadn’t seen this since the 90s, and it really holds up. Ford and Jones amp up the tension and make every scene worth watching. Classic.

Space Sweepers

I’d heard this described as a life action Cowboy Bebop, but sadly it has much less style and substance. Parts of the world building were cool, but why did they have to add a farting child?

Barb and Starr Go to Vista Del Mar

My friend texted me to say he was cackling watching this–it was ok funny, but I didn’t know it would be a “silly” musical. I don’t really know what this kind of comedy is called, but it’s not my thing. It’s like Ace Ventura meets Marshall’s with some real Paul Blart 2 vibes.

The Little Things

I don’t know if I can ever take the sheriff from True Blood seriously, or even Rami Malek. Denzel, as usual, is an imposing figure who oozes charm while methodically saving a crime.

The Thing

The remake isn’t the same level of incredible that the original was, but it’s still a pretty great alien film. I loved seeing a bunch of folks who went on to be in lots of TV shows and other things I hasn’t seen when I originally saw this film.

Monster Hunter

I don’t know what I expected from a movie based on a game with no plot. The three stars are solely bc I love jovanovich and also every action scene was absurd and delightful.

Minari

A gorgeous, sad, and brutal portrait of trying to make family and a dream work out. The cinematography and soundtrack were a perfect pairing to one of the cutest kids in cinema, and an outstanding performance by Yuen and Youn Yuh-jung. This movie was so good it conquered my Texan’s dislike of Oklahoma.

The Dig

A rather interesting film about excavating a ship from a mound in rural Suffolk.Theres a wild WW2 backdrop, and a lot of Fiennes looking pensive as all getout. Everyone is in love with someone they shouldn’t be, and I kept hoping the kid was actually from the future.

Insomnia

Robin Williams is so good in this. I haven’t seen Insomnia since opening weekend, and also forgot it was a Nolan. I still need to watch the original. This is a great view of Pacino slowly losing his mind. I had this a little confused with One Hour Photo so I kept expceted a scene to take place at a CVS or something.

The Prestige

The one time Wolverine and Batman worked together with David Bowie to make powerful magicks. I honestly forgot this was a Nolan film, but I’ve loved it every time I’ve watched it. Just so fun and clever. I wonder how Golem’s cats are doing?

Never Rarely Sometimes Always

Easily the best movie I’ve seen in a long time. The level of kindness and empathy for the challenge of being a young woman in the world is outstanding. Really incredible performances from Flanagan and Ryder with a candid view of how amazing Planned Parenthood is to top it off. The focus on women caring for each other was spot-on.

The Bourne Supremacy

In the world there is only one good supremacy: the Bourne kind. Brian Cox rules in this, but I wish Julia Stylse and Franka Potente had more to do. I’m rewatching this series and it’s mostly holding-up.

Our Little Sister

I love Koreeda movies because they so beautifully humanize a great deal of pain. From his slow pans, to the way he shot the room to make you feel part of the family, this movie ruled.

The Lost City of Z

It turns out the story of this movie’s protagonist was much more racist and absurd than presented here. The vaporization of bullshit explorers of other people’s lands is a bummer. This was well-shot despite apparent massive innacuracies. Pattinson did a solid job.

Yes, God, Yes

A delightful look at a religious youth that was spot-on. I wish I had a cool dyke bar to escape to from youth retreat, but otherwise this was pretty much what creepy youth camps were like. Dyer is excellent, and Simons perfectly inhabits a shitty priest.

Promising Young Woman

Woah. I think I’ll have to rewatch this to really get the full impact, but this was intense and Cary Mulligan was fantastic.

The Platform

This was an interesting psychological sci-fi. We never learned why he brought a book.

Strange Negotiations

Hoo boy this took me back. I saw Pedro the Lion play every year for a while back in Austin, and his break with the religion he was raised with matched-up with mine. This was a sweet and sad documentary about how lonely the road can be, and the life of a medium-famous rock musician.

Exit

Tried to watch this on a night I was sleepy, and reader, it did not keep me awake. Good, but it’s in the uncanny valley of the past.

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

Is this in the MCU? One of my favorite parts is when someone cites military legal code and a short while later a woman says “is there still an Internet cafe around here?” I’m pretty sure reacher would still need to go to court for a lot of murder.

Paradise Hills

Mills Jovavich rules. This movie is kind of a mess, but points for a bit of queerness and a strong aesthetic. You just don’t see a lot of bondage gear in white these days. Also, milk is always sinister and gross.

The Operative

For a spy film this left a lot on the table. There were some pretty tense scenes but I’ve seen Kruger do much cooler stuff. I’m looking forward to the next season of Tehran to get my fill of Mossad spy stuff.

Enemy

Villneuve is wild. This was definitely the strangest of his films I’ve seen so far, but I loved the yellow-tinged madness.

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